The Dude Chronicles Pt. 2

Well, by now most of you would have read the 10 commandments of the dude, and hopefully understood it. This time you will be given a chance to understand philosophy in the Dude style.

a. You think: "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"

Dude says: " if the bird shits while on the bush, its okay but on your wrist...."

b. You think: "a penny saved is a penny earned"

Dude says: "try to save notes, too many pennies can be a heavy load...."

c. You think: " a fool and his money are easily parted"

Dude says: "atleast the fool has money to be parted from...."

d. You think: "a leopard can't change its spots"

Dude says: "neither can your ex......"

e. You think: "hope springs eternal"

Dude says: "... not if you are married!!"

f. You think: "All that glitters is not gold"

Dude says: "... if you have gold... then make sure it glitters... else..."

g. You think: "Keep a stiff upper lip"

Dude says: " atleast the other fucker can't eat or talk for a week!!"

h. You think: " A stitch in time saves nine."

Dude says: " .... make sure that you act brave in front of the nurse if she is hot and curse otherwise!"

i. You think: "time and tide waits for no one"

Dude says: "... as long as I'm on time... I don't really care about the tide..."

j. You think: "a pen is mightier than the sword"

Dude says: "which might explain the ancient art of circumcision.. its a test... but literally everyone who tries gets the chop..."

k. You think: "beating around the bush"

Dude says: " not advisable.... in case she retaliates... you might suffer from long term disorders..."

l. You think: "better late than never"

Dude says: " .. guaranteed mantra for ultimate satisfaction..... for you and your partner.. "

m. You think: " Never bite the hand that feeds you"

Dude says: " every hand has a mouth close by... it can bite back.. (hand can be substituted for paw..)..."

n. You think: " Rome was not built in a day"

Dude says: " ofcourse.. even you took around 9 months...... !!"

Now this was a crash course for anyone preparing to interact with the dude. Expect all this and much more.. but do not be daunted.. for if you cross this barrier.. you might yet be a dudeling.. envied by millions and welcomed to the fold by the few enlightened ones...

P.S. the Dalai Lama is not a dude... heard some false rumours were doing the rounds... hope that settles it..

Till next time...

Remember.. The Dude is always right...!!

The Dude Chronicles Pt. 1

A man... that is the first definition available for dude on the wiktionary. From now on realize that the journey man is no more and that he is the dude. Why? Cause the dude says so.


To interact with the dude, you need to understand the dude.. but then no one really understands the dude. And i mean No one gets to know the dude beyond the point of intersection of the knowledge and power curve. Both knowledge and power are at the maximum for the dude.


Now You may want counselling from the dude, so you will have to meet him. This message is for you mortals to understand what to do and what not to do. If you do the what not to do then you will be done for by the Dude and the dudes followers.


Rule 1: Always refer to the Dude as the Dude.

This rule has to be followed if you ever want to get the attention of the Dude, else go talk to some low grade consultant or Fuck Off.

Rule 2: The Dude is never lazy, he is either interested or uninterested.

So don't crib about the level of the Dude's commitment to your project.

Rule 3: The Dude hates people bullshitting.

Absolutely NO GAS!

Rule 4: The Dude has no competitor or rivals.

If you disagree, then you can apply for Dude's Side Kick Position. If the Dude is interested, he will get back to you.

Rule 5: If the Dude tells you that you suck, then you shall accept the status without doubting its veracity.

Rule 6: The Dude is always right. Yes Always!!!

Rule 7: If the Dude says a guy is alright, then all the Dude's followers and want to be followers shall ackowledge him.

These endorsements shall be called the Dudelings..

Rule 8: The Dude movie is The Big Lebowski. All the Dude's army of followers shall watch it twice every month.

Rule 9: The Dude was not moved by Broke Back Mountain.
Infact The Dude never watched it.

Rule 10: Oprah Winfrey, Jay Leno, Russell Peters, R.C.N, Neo, Richard Branson, Mahatma Gandhi, Terminator and E.T. are not to be confused with the Dude.

Now if you follow all the above rules, you may get to know a bit about the Dude. But as mentioned earlier, you shall never know the Dude completely. The Dude is the ultimate solution to mankinds problems. But the Dude reserves his rights when it comes to deciding who fits into mankind and who doesnt. Chances are ... You Don't!!!